to to newspaper reports, left her husbandseveral times but was each
time told byher parents that a married woman’s placeis with
her husband, until she burnt todeath in that “married woman’s
place.”After their daughter is dead, one has heardsuch parents
lamenting the large sums ofmoney they bad handed over to her in-laws.
When such families stage protestdemonstrations, one can only wonder
whether they are protesting against thecruelty meted out to the woman,
which they had advised her to endure, or lamentingthe bad investment
made by them in the form of dowry. It is true that the
husband and in-lawsshould be exposed and ostracized for torturing
a woman to death. But what about the woman’s own parents and
relatives who repeatedly handed her back to be beaten, tortured,
humiliated ? Arethey any less morally responsible for her death
? And for every one woman whose attempts to “adjust”
lead to her death, arethere not many more who drag on amiserable
life, who continue to“successfully adjust” to physical
and mental torture, handing down a legacy of self-abasement to their
daughters ?
If action is vitally necessary not just after a woman’s death
but during her life time, then a crucial component of such action
is a supportive family which can give a woman courage to resist,
can offer her a dignified life as an alternative to the life of
degradation in her husband’s home.Recently, Manushi was involved
in two such struggles waged by women with the active support of
their families. The first case was that of Radha* who came to us
acouple of months ago. She is a typist in aprivate firm. She had
been married eight years ago, and now has one small son. Her marriage
turned out to be a brutal experience. Her husband used to regularly
drink, abuse and beat her and her child. Since he spent most of
his earnings on drink, she had to financially support the family
and buy the household goods. Two years ago, when her younger sister
got married, Radha’s husband felt that she had been given
a larger dowry than had Radha. He started demanding that he be compensated
for this “loss” and hisviolence increased. Finally,
the last time, he threw her out, she did not go back, ashe had expected
she would. Her family welcomed her home, and gave her fullsupport.
However, her husband had not allowed her to take her own or the
child’s clothes and other personal necessities. She does not
earn much nor are her parents well off so she found it difficult
suddenly to purchase a new all the things required for daily living.
She pleaded with her husband to let her take her few personal belongings,
at least a few saris, but he refused, thinking that if he harassed
her in this way, she would meekly return to him. In desperation
she came to Manushi. At very short notice, we decided to accompany
her to her house and bring outher things. Though she is legally
entitled to bring anything from the house as she is the legally
wedded wife, she feared that he would turn violent if she went alone
orwith family members. Her husband hadalready removed Radha’s
jewellery and thefew valuables which she had purchased with her
own savings to his parents’ house. However, we brought away
her andthe child’s clothes as well as all the utensils and
household goods which belonged to her.
One of the girls who accompanied usfor this action, had told us
that her aunt(mother’s sister) had been similarlyharassed
and thrown out of the house byher husband. She managed to persuadeher
aunt, Sudarshan also to join us inhelping Radha bring away her belongings.Participation
in this action perhaps proveda turning point in Sudarshan’s
thinking. She began to feel it is possible to act ratherthan suffer
in silence. She then came anddiscussed her case with us.
Sudarshan is an MA B.Ed. and teaches in a government school. She
was married at an early age to a man who proved to be physically
unfit for marriage, so a divorce took place within a few months.
Some years later, she was married on January 20, 1980,to M.P. Batra,
a junior lecturer in government polytechnic, G. T. Karnal Road.
Her family alleges that he pretended he had a civil engineering
degree where as he was actually only a matriculate diploma holder
and that he also concealed the fact that he had been married twice
before, had tortured and thrown out both wives, and also, had two
children by his first wife.
Sudarshan told us that within a weekof marriage, Batra started
showing his truecolours. He took away the whole of Sudarshan’s
salary, so that she was forced to take money from her parents for
bus fare and other personal expenditure. Soon, he began to demand
money on various pretexts. Sudarshan alleges that she was forced
to withdraw large sums of money, until all the money she had saved
up was exhausted and altogether she gave him about Rs 16,000. Batra
then demanded that she give him all her jewellery, and that she
bring more money from her parents. When she resisted in the mildest
possible manner, he became infuriated. He abused her, beat her and
threw her out of the house, saying she would be allowed to come
back only if she brought her jewellery and more money. Sudarshan
returned only after Batra’s mother and brother gave her an
assurance that she would not in future be beaten or harassed for
money. However, she says, Batra’s behaviour only deteriorated.
He claimed that all the moneyshe had earned since she took up a
job in1968 was his “legitimate dowry” and she should
therefore give him an account of every paisa spent during that period,
andhand over the remaining amount to him.He kept a check on every
sari belongingto Sudarshan, insisting that every decision must be
referred to him—whether it waswhich sari she was to wear or
the smallest expenditure to be incurred by her. Sudarshan silently
bore all the maltreatment and never dared open her mouth to answer
back. However, since sherefused to allow her family to be blackmailed
for money, Batra’s violence increased. She alleges that on
one occasionhe tried to strangle her and only the presence of the
servant saved her life. Hewas so violent even in bed that she feared
serious injury to her person. When hethrew her out the second time,
she left anddid not return, because by this time, his violence was
so extreme that she feared for her life. Ever since, she has beenstaying
with her elder sister.
However, she says that Batra has not ceased to harass her. He came
to her sister’s house, and ran amok, breaking things in the
house, and threatening bothher and the members of her family. The
family, including the small children, hasstaunchly stood by Sudarshan
all these years, encouraged her and refused to beintimidated into
complying with Batra’s demands. They relate how Batra continued
employing his tactics — he would hangabout outside Sudarshan’s
school, make obscene phone calls, threatening to attackand defame
her. All attempts to reach acompromise failed because Batra would
not listen to reason. Indu says he had tried to force ner to give
him a written statement that she had left the house “of her
own free will, and taking all her goods with her”,but later,
when she suggested divorce by mutual consent, he demanded Rs 10,000
as advance money for him to “consider”the suggestion.
On the other hand, he laiddown certain conditions to which Sudarshan
would have to agree if she wanted to return to him. These condition
swere: she should hand over her entire salary to him and request
him for money whenever she needed it; he would make all the purchases
and she should not make any purchase without his permission; if
anyone, even members of her family, wanted to meet her or talk to
her, they would have first to take his permission; she should give
him an account of the salary earned by her during the two yearsthat
she had stayed away from him aftermarriage, and hand over to him
all thismoney as well as all her jewellery. ThoughSudarshan did
not succumb to thisblackmail, she was living in a state of fearand
depression. She had given up nearlyall social interaction and did
not have theenergy to make new friends.
When she discussed the case with us,we felt we should make an attempt
to talkto Batra and see if he was amenable to anamicable settlement.
So Madhu fromManushi accompanied Sudarshan to hisoffice, hoping
to talk things overpeacefully. However, before they couldspeak a
word, and explain why they hadcome, Batra, in the presence of hiscolleagues,
began to shout at them, usingthe filthiest of abuses, and even attemptedto
manhandle Madhu, threatening to “fixher up.” Since a
dialogue was impossible,they were forced to come away.
After this experience, all of us icludingSudarshan, felt that the
only means nowopen to us was to put social pressure onBatra, to
demand that he stop harassingand blackmailing her. On the morning
ofSunday, September 19, a large group ofwomen and a few men went
to Batra’shouse, E-I61 Ashok Vihar Phase I. To oursurprise,
as soon as we started shoutingslogans, Batra came out of the gate
andstood there, smiling nonchalantly. Whenthe demonstrators shouted:
“Teenbivjyon ko mar bhagaya, shadi ko vyaparbanaya”
and “M,P. Batra, sharm karo,chullu bhar pani mein doob maro”
(Hehas beaten and driven out three wives, hehas made marriage into
a commercial trade”and “M.P. Batra, shame on you, go
anddrown yourself in a drop of water”), hereplied: “Yes,
I have married three timesand I am ready to marry a fourth time.
Youcan say what you like but I am going tomarry seven times.”
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Smiling shamelessly at the
demonstrators |
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Significantly, though Batra’s
mother,brothers and sisters-in-law were all athome, not one
of them came out. They allsat inside, keeping the doors and
windowsiclosed. The neighbours came out to seewhat was happening
but not one of themspoke a word in favour of Batra. They allsaid
they knew he was a rogue. Many of ofthem expressed support
and joined thedemonstration.
Meanwhile, Batra continued toshamelessly assert his intention
of marrying seven times, denied that he had taken a single
paisa in dowry, and evendared to accuse Sudarshan of being
a bad charactered woman, who had taken awayhis.money and gold.
He alsoabused andthreatened some of the demonstrators. Wehad
taken along some black paint to writeslogans on the walls
of the house, sincewe had not expected Batra to emerge fromit.
However, angered by his shamelesslying, especially by his
using the familar weapon of calling Sudarshan a “loosewoman”,
some of the demonstrating women took the brush from the person
who was painting the wall, and blackened Batra’s face
with it. |
Sudarshan then very bravely narrated the entire history of her
sufferings at thehands of Mr Batra. As her sister commented later,
this was perhaps the first time Batra heard his wife speak at any
length since she had always been too terrorized to open her mouth
in front of him, and even after leaving him, had been too afraid
and ashamed to narrate the story at length to anyone outside her
family. Wehad been worried lest she be unable to speak on this occasion
as well, but she spoke with courage and firmness, callingon the
neighbours to support her and see that justice is done. At this,
Batra openly threatened to kill both Sudarshan and Madhu. A slogan
was raised: “Bhavishyaka hatyara aaj dekh lo” (“Come
and havea look at a future murderer”).
Just as we were preparing to leave and march round the colony,
Harivansh, Batra’s son by his first wife, suddenly came from
outside, and leapt on some of the women, beating and scratching
them. He picked up bricks, stones and brought a cricket bat to attack
us. The neighbours managed to restrain him and the demonstrators
remained peaceful, raisingthe slogan: “Hamla chahey jaisa
hoga, hath hamara nahin uthega” (“No matter what kind
of attack is launched against us, we will not raise our hand in
violence”)-Batra continued to assert his innocence, loudly
calling on god to protect him and punish Sudarshan and all of us
for our wickedness. For this hypocrisy, anappropriate slogan was:
“Hath mein haipuja ki thali, muh mein maa bahen ki gali”(“He
has a thali for worship in his hand but filthy abuses in his mouth”).
After about two hours we sang
somesongs and left, warning Batra that unless he stopped harassing
and threatening Sudarshan we would be compelled to take further
action. While distributing leaflets in the colony, we found
that Batra is not orious there but people are in a quandary
as to how to deal with him. Many of them expressed strong
approval of our action.
We then went to the police station, where Sudarshan lodged
a first information report against Harivansh’s physical
attackand Batra’s threat to kill her. Since then, there
have been phone calls at Manushi and at Madhu’s house,
again threatening to kill Madhu.
Sudarshan’s participation in this action was possible
only because of her family’s role in encouraging her,
helping her, and being willing to share the social exposure
and risks involved. They never allowed her to feel that if
she protested or resisted, she might be left alone, homeless
or unprotected. Her sister and two nieces joined the demonstration
and one niece worked actively to mobilize support before the
demonstration. In this, Sudarshan’s family was unlike
many families who are so afraid that they
will be disgraced by having
a |
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Batra’s face being blackened
when he mailigned his wife and declared his intentionto
marry seven times |
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divorced woman on their hands that they send the woman to her doom.
So far, one of the reasons why women hesitate to leave their homes
even when they are being tortured beyond the limits of human endurance
is that they feel there is now here they can go for refuge, since
society will no! allow them to live are spected dignified life once
they step out of marriage. We need to work for a change in social
attitudes sc that men and families who demand dowry and harass women
are socially disgraced, while women who struggle to live a life
of dignity receive social support and endorsement in their fight
against injustice. That is why the main slogan of the demonstration
was : “Ab ham jalkar nahin marengi, jeene ka adhikar lekar
rahengi” (“We will no longer burn todeath, we will not
rest till we win the right tolive with dignity”).
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